12 Things You Might Be Doing That Hurts Your Dog’s Feelings

You lean in to give your dog a little love, and they turn their head away. Or maybe you’ve invited a new visitor over, and your pup hides behind your legs. Changes in dog behavior can happen naturally over time. But new behavior changes that happen quickly can be caused by something we are doing without realizing it.

Some everyday habits we have as humans can leave dogs feeling frustrated, frightened, or uncomfortable, even when we mean well. “Hurt feelings” is how we might describe it as humans. While we can’t assume dogs experience these moments exactly the way we do, their discomfort is still worth paying attention to.

Some dogs are just more sensitive than others. We have six dogs. And I can tell you that one of our dogs gets upset when anyone in the house gets a little loud, even when it’s not directed at him. He came from an abusive home before we rescued him, so we have to be careful even when we get excited. In fact, we put him in a safe, secure place away from us when we watch football games because the shouting makes him nervous.

Our other five dogs barely react to the same kind of commotion. So, the dog’s own personality makes a difference, just like humans. Let’s take a look at some of the most common things you might be doing that could have an impact on your dog’s feelings, often without realizing it.

Positive reinforcement is the approach to build your training around. And some stubborn dogs do need a bit of clearer, more consistent direction when it comes to training. We’ve trained every dog we’ve owned, including the six we have now, and five of them are rescues.

If we used the same training approach with all of our dogs, we would have failed miserably. One thing that every owner should refrain from is shouting. Shouting at a dog that’s lost control may just ramp up their energy.

And shouting at a dog that made a mistake can cause them to retreat and affect their confidence around you. Rewarding them for the behavior you want is a better way to show them what to do.

Physical corrections can also impact the way your dog views you. For example, if you jerk hard on a leash when another dog approaches, your dog may start associating seeing another dog with a firm jerk on the neck and potentially physical pain.

This can leave your dog fearing you, the other dog, or the situation. Reinforcing the behavior you want to see gives them something clearer to work with.

You just walked into a room. Toilet paper is all over the floor. You aren’t sure when it happened. Could have been ten minutes ago or two hours. You scold your dog, their body lowers, and they recoil in fear.

You might think this is because they understand they did something they weren’t supposed to. But they may simply be reacting to your posture and expression rather than understanding they made a mistake or crossed a line.

If you catch an unwanted behavior happening, that’s your opportunity to redirect your dog and reward what you want instead. In fact, the RSPCA recommends that dog owners never punish a dog when returning to damage or an accident. The dog likely wouldn’t understand what the punishment is for, and you are just impacting the way they feel about you in the future.

If you come home and see an absolute disaster, the best thing to do is clean it up and figure out how to prevent it from happening again. Limit access to tempting objects, and consider whether your dog is struggling with being left alone. Addressing what caused the problem can help cut down on the likelihood of another mess.

Yesterday, your dog jumped up and wanted some affection. Today, you are wearing work clothes, and now the same behavior earns them a reprimand. As humans, we can understand the difference. But your dog may not.

Your reason makes sense to you, but your dog doesn’t necessarily understand that one set of clothing is different. Consistency matters, and if you want them to understand expectations, it’s important to be consistent about what you’re asking for.

You can have rules for different situations, but you should always train for consistency. Teaching your dog cues for what’s allowed and when will help reduce miscommunication. For example, giving an “up” command when it’s acceptable to be on the couch is different from just correcting a behavior they didn’t know was off-limits.

Your pup will do better when they understand boundaries. Boundaries can be set by teaching the command rather than correcting behavior that may have been acceptable in the past.

Some dogs love physical affection. But all dogs are different. Some dogs will take it or leave it. Other dogs will leave it entirely. Of our six dogs, five absolutely love physical affection. However, one dog prefers to have it on her own terms.

She will come up to you and lie next to you when she wants a cuddle. When she’s done, she jumps right off the bed or couch and back onto her dog bed. She wants her space when she wants it. Not every dog likes to curl up next to a human, and you should respect those boundaries.

Hugs and physical touch can make some dogs feel trapped, nervous, or worried. If your pup stiffens up, turns away, or tries to move when cuddled, give them space. Let them be the one to engage you when they are ready.

I know I’m guilty of this. I walk into a new home, see the dog, and immediately want to make a new friend. Unfortunately, not all dogs feel the same way. Then their owner makes it worse by bringing their reluctant dog over to say hello.

Or maybe it’s a walk outdoors, and you’ve grabbed the leash to pull your dog closer to someone you feel is fine, but they just aren’t comfortable. The fact of the matter is, not all dogs want to be social with someone they’ve just met.

One of our pups, Torvi, is a Golden Retriever–Great Pyrenees mix. She looks like the friendliest dog from a distance, but that independent streak always comes out, and she prefers to meet new people completely on her own terms.

What we’ve started doing is just letting new visitors be around and letting Torvi approach voluntarily. She will usually come around to new visitors after a few minutes of getting comfortable.

It’s far better to let your dog choose the terms of saying hello rather than forcing them into an introduction they don’t want. Forcing it can impact trust and put your dog in an uncomfortable position.

Maybe it’s the antagonistic neighborhood cat. Or men with hats. Some dogs are just a little bit more nervous and slower to trust. While it may not be something that frightens you, from their perspective, it’s frightening, and they just want to get away.

Forcing your dog to remain in an overwhelming situation can damage their trust in you. The best thing you can do is create a little space and give your dog the distance they need to stay comfortable. This gives frightened dogs a bit of time to recover their confidence.

Move them somewhere they can settle in. For recurring fears, it may be worth bringing in a qualified, reward-based behavior professional who can help your dog gradually become more comfortable with those situations.

While this is dog-specific, not all dogs love being woken up for attention. Some dogs may seem happy to wake up when you get home for a quick belly scratch and a wagging tail. Others get a bit more startled and could use the additional rest.

No matter how good your dog is, it’s best not to reach for them while they sleep. Dogs that are perfect angels may react completely differently if they are startled awake.

As an owner, it’s best to give your dog space when they go to sleep and prevent people, especially children, from reaching for them and disturbing them. Teach children that when their dog is on the dog bed, they are there to rest, not to be disturbed.

If you groom your dog yourself, you’ve probably been there. You are down to the last three or four nails that need to be clipped or ground down, and your dog has suddenly had enough. To you, rushing through it seems way easier than starting again later or the next day.

Necessary care can still frighten your dog, and it can be uncomfortable for them. If your dog struggles with grooming or other basic care, it’s best to break those activities into smaller sessions. So, work on the nails one day. Bathe them on another. Even the nail clipping may need to be split up.

A lot of maintenance on the same day can make your dog feel nervous and cost you a bit of trust. If your dog is very nervous during routine care, veterinarians can often offer assistance and give you a manageable plan.

Forcing them to go through this when they are uncomfortable can make them more worried about it, and they may associate that activity with a negative experience each time it happens.

Taking your dog’s food because you can is different from teaching them to feel comfortable with people nearby. If you are taking away their food just because you can, you are giving them a reason to worry every time you come by. They may view you as taking their resources, which can lead to unwanted resource guarding behavior.

It’s best to let your dog eat peacefully. When you need a toy back, teach a voluntary exchange for something they value rather than simply taking it. The idea is to give them a positive experience, not repeatedly test whether they’ll let you touch their bowl or take their things.

If your dog freezes, growls, or snaps at you when you go for their favorite toy, give them space. Don’t punish the warning or keep reaching for the item. Consult a qualified professional to help you work on the behavior safely.

Some dogs do just fine when left alone for a good portion of the day. But other dogs get lonely, and just don’t do as well. Destructive behavior may start, and you may see your pup bark, paw, or scratch at the door.

Once this behavior starts, you shouldn’t assume a little “tough love” will do the trick. A dog who is distressed needs help feeling comfortable alone, rather than being left to struggle until they give up.

Build alone time gradually. Keep it at a level that’s manageable for your dog. For some dogs, that may mean starting with only a few seconds. You can begin practicing brief separations while you are still home and build up as they become comfortable.

A crate can work for a dog who already feels safe and relaxed in it, but it isn’t a solution for every dog. If your dog panics or tries to escape, confinement can make things worse. Don’t use the crate as punishment, and get professional help if your dog struggles with being left alone.

If you don’t give your dog enough to do, you may be setting yourself up for unwanted destructive behavior.

Dogs need both mental and physical stimulation. They need to be challenged and loved. Some breeds are more active than others. For example, our English Mastiff, as a senior, does well with about 30 minutes of activity per day.

Our younger English Mastiff–Labrador mix has what seems to be an infinite pool of energy and needs at least two hours per day to blow off physical steam.

Build in smaller activities if you need to. Depending on your dog’s health and activity needs, it could be a 20- to 30-minute walk twice per day, followed by a ball-throwing session. Not giving your dog enough to do can leave them frustrated, lonely, or less engaged with you.

If your dog starts avoiding stairs, jumping up on the couch, or other physical activity, it’s important to look at why. For many dogs, it’s not just them not listening. It may be the start of physical discomfort that can show up in a variety of ways.

Like humans, if something hurts, your dog is going to be less likely to do it. When they have a sore knee, don’t expect them to walk or jump as they normally would. Some owners will go as far as scolding their dogs for what seems like independence but is actually physical discomfort.

If your dog’s behavior recently changed, especially suddenly, it’s important to visit your vet. Make a note of when the changes started happening. It’s important not to rush to conclusions, assuming that they are just not listening. They could be telling you something is physically wrong in a more subtle way.

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